Doors

I have earned so many keys
Now I'm just waiting for the right door.
They seem to swing so freely
Yet I'm a prisoner of war.

I want to make the right decision
To take the final dive
But what if the choice I make,
Makes it hard to survive.

So here I wait
For the right door to unlock
But until then
I continue to stand and knock.

Torn

I am torn, torn in two

Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation

From a fun night turn difficult

Maybe from a growing frustration.

This lump in my throat in growing

My tears are all dry

I've lost the zeal to carry on

I wonder why I even try.

I think of the phone calls received

About all the things that go wrong

Blown away by the comments

Wishing I was emotionally strong.

I care more than they know

And do my best to follow through

Which makes me feel my situation 

Is like a sinking canoe.

Brutally tossed by the waves

My believed support floating away

Losing will to carry on

Knowing all I can do is pray.

I feel lost and confused, 

What is Your desire for me?

Do I go right or left,

This is my plea!

I am torn, torn in two

I feel like giving up.

I think of those I'd have to face,

And would rather pass that cup.

What would be easiest for me,

Would not best honor You,

Its all in Your hands,

I am torn in two.

Lonely Hallway

Sitting in a long lonely hallway
My thoughts become more clear
Memories race through my mind
Some good, some not so dear.

I try to keep the mood up beat
Thoughts of my failures and insecurities
I can only hear my self breath
Memories of my triumphs and catastrophes

When alone its too quiet
Allowing my mind to roam
Reminding me of my faults
Heart ache and hurt I began to moan

Why don't these events stay in the past
And allow me to move on
Why do they keep resurfacing
Changing the beat to my new song

I want to loose my hateful past
Forget the mistakes I've done
But they have made me who I am
Different from where I begun.

These thoughts are reminders of where I've been
And what I am fighting for
I only wish these haunting thoughts
Would end and be never more.

Here For You

A smirk, smile or grin
Its your choice which one you give
But show what's truly with in
Even if it is a frown
Please don't try to pretend

Your face can say it all
Like a window to your soul
Why are to standing tall
Are you good or bad?
Do you really want to fall?

It hurts to see you crying
But I am here to support
Hurts more when you are lying
I will share in your pain
But my desire is not prying

We are connected my friend
When you hurt, I hurt
Connected to the very end
When you laugh, I laugh
Lets not stop this trend

Please tell me my dear
Why do you try to hide?
I want to be all ears
Listen to your heart
Wipe away all your tears.

I'll give you just one task
Please be open and honest
Put away your stupid mask
What can I do for you
All you have to do is ask!

Battle Within

My head and my heart are at war
Each struggling for control
I know which one should rule
But the battle pulls at my soul

Separation causes so much stress
What can't they finally agree
Stop this dangerous game and
Do what is over-all best in me

I'm being torn apart
Lost in what I should do
The battle within needs to end
To Him I need to be true

Doubt

My doubt over takes me
Questions running through my mind
Doing my best to press on
Leaving the sinful world behind.

But what about the things I've done
The sin I have commit
Am I fully forgiven
My ears can't hardly believe it.

After a life of disobedience
How could you forgive me
You knew I'd live this life of sin
But You still died for me on that tree.

I try to understand Your love,
Your grace and Your mercy
But I don't have Your eyes
To see the good, sinless me you see.

Give me the strength to understand
To fully accept Your unending love
This I know only comes from You
Your most precious gift from above.

From Me

To you, the man of my dreams

There is so much I want to tell you
But where should I begin
First I'll say I'm sorry
For all of my past sin.

I guess I should warn you
About the life I've been given
That's made me who I am
And the reasons I am driven.

I was born into a family
That's always on the go
So traveling is a part of me
To see places I would never know.

God has called me to the mission field
And to Him I must be true
I pray that you feel this calling
Or will at least help to see me through.

My family is very important
A mother I want to be
Of our own or by adoption
Such a blessing for you and me.

I see us growing old together
One day at a time
Relying on each other daily
Making your hopes and dreams mine.

I have made some mistakes
I never want to speak of
But I pray we focus on the future
And together live for the One Above.

From me