You Were in My Dream

You showed up in my dreams last night
I was taken back this time.
What happened was unexpected
Yet I woke up feeling more than fine.

I was talking with my family
While lounging on the couch,
When my dad came in carrying
For each of us a pouch.

We opened them up one by one
With me being last
Each gift had a precious ring
But mine was just as mask.

I put the ring on my finger
But the ring was too big to fit
I laughed inside thinking
"This has to be a slip."

But then I heard a voice
One I had heard so many times before
A voice I thought I recognized
But I couldn't be for sure.

Then a line of my friends
Came pouring from the kitchen
I felt so confused
There was something I was missin.

But then you walked out
In front of my family
In your very best suit
And got down on one knee.

I couldn't believe my eyes
My mouth dropped as I looked at you
You began to speak
And I knew my dreams were coming true.

I woke up before I answered
Maybe wishing it was real
But my heart was pumping fast
Trying not to explode with zeal

I thought of this dream many times today
Wondering what my answer would have been
But guess we will have to wait
Until you ask again.

Dear Dreams,

What is going on?
You keep playing with my head
Making it bitter sweet to sleep
As I am laying in my bed.

These thoughts keep me tossing
Wondering if you will come true.
Please give me some rest,
Forget this deja vu.

Choices and Freedom

A world without choices
Told what to do and when
Where to be, what to say
I never want to live that way.

I have been given freedom
To choose between right and wrong
Some choices make me stumble and fall
Others help me to stand tall,

I have learned from my mistakes
Better understand where I went wrong
But without the choice to make
Chances I would never take.

Because of my opportunities
There is a world for me to explore
A world of mystery, horror and care
A world full of truth and dares.

I don't have a dictator,
Ruling over my every move,
But I have a God above
Who is pointing out His way with love.

I still have my freedom and choice
His presence doesn't change me flexibility,
But I know He has a plan for me
And on that path my life is at ease.

I know He is with me
That He will carry and cherish me
Whether I stumble or stand tall
As long as I am in His call.

It won't be an easy journey
Bumps and mountains along the way
But I know when I am following Him
I'll find His victory in the end.

Yes I have a Master
One who loves and cares
He has given me freedom
And I dwell forever in His kingdom

Pawn's Place

As the smallest of all the King's men
Pawn questioned his place
So he put on an attitude of pride with a grin
And let his journey begin

Pawn first came to Rook
"Am I one of the most important?
For the front line space I have took,
Go ahead and take a look."

Looking down on Pawn, Rook said,
"You little pea brain of a man,
Your life is as useless as a short piece of thread,
So easy for the Queen to shout, 'Off with his head!'"

Not receiving the answer he expected,
Little Pawn moved on to another in line
The one with the moves most hectic.
This time Sir Knight he did pick.

"My dear knight would you agree,"
Little Pawn began, standing tall
"That there is no one more precious than me,
For you never number even three."

"Poor Pawn, there may be more than two of you around,"
Started Knight in a low voice,
"But when it comes to covering ground,
Your argument is less than sound."

Discouraged but not broken,
Pawn focused his attempts on the wisest around
To Bishop his ideas were taken
Although trying hard to keep from shaking.

With less confidence, poor little Pawn began to say,
"Wise Bishop please tell me I am right
That in this game I am important at play
And in battle without me, we wouldn't last a day."

A creepy look crossed Bishop's face
Making poor little Pawn jump back.
"Mere maggot, don't you know your proper place?
Now watch me work and give me some space."

Two more to talk to, to understand his fate.
First to the mighty Queen
Reminding himself to stand up straight
To her he would present his debate.

He began "Sweet Queen I have a cry,
Please help me solve this problem
And excuse me if I pry,
But am I your most important guy?"

"You silly little Pawn, Why such a thought?"
She began with a smirk,
"Everyone has a position to be fought,
But you are not in the most important spot."

Poor silly little Pawn walked away with his head hung low.
Desperate to hear his reason for life
So to the King he must go,
There his reason for life he would know.

To the King he said on bended knee,
"Almighty King, I have searched across the board,
Inquired from all I could see,
Trying to understand why you would want someone like me."

"Dear Pawn, why so down?
What have you heard to make such a statement?"
The King's radiance shown from his crown,
Helping to lessen poor, little Pawn's frown.

"On the front line, I am one of eight,
An easy sacrifice in war,
Doesn't that seal my fate.
And my short distance moves, I'm sure you hate.

"I only move forward in battle, so I cannot retreat,
That makes me a terrible solider
Especially when near defeat.
Please King help me make this journey complete."

The King stood his ground,
Lifted Pawn's eyes to the sky
"That's exactly why I need you around
And in your spirit, My victory is found.

"Victory is only won by moving forward
Even if it is one step at a time.
And the whole time you are striving toward
A crown waiting for you across the board.

"You are the most important to me you see,"
The King said with love,
"So take and walk in this gift humbly
Because in your battles, you represent Me.

"And next time you question My want for you,
Come directly to me, my child.
For no one knows you like I do,
And my love abounds for you."

Pawn now knew his ultimate place
As a child of a king.
He could now walk in grace
With His King's mercy and glory shining on his face.

Change

Many of us fear it, wish it didn't have to happen,
try to go around it, or pretend that we are fine without it

But without change, we will continue to relive our mistakes
By going around it, we will miss the lessons from going through it
If we pretend we don't need it, we are only fooling ourselves
Because of our fear, we would never know the blessings afterwards

Its time for us to all change, the world would be a better place
Change our attitudes, actions, desires, language, thoughts
Change our hearts, minds, and souls that lead us to change for our future

Embrace the moments, people and dreams that lead us to change for the better
Learn from the past, don't dwell on the negative
Enjoy the present, strive daily for more
Be excited about the future, Don't fear the change that comes

Change starts today
Change starts from the inside out...from the heart to the head
Don't waste a day in fear...the change in us, changes the future

The Art of Saying No

Such a simple word for so many to say
Why do I struggle so much
There are so many things on my plate
It would be the perfect finishing touch.

I want to help those around me
Whatever the cost
But too many times I find myself
Barely surviving and lost.

I need to use that simple word
So many learn when they are young
Instead of trying to please everyone
It needs to slip off my tongue.

If I could just say that word
Know when to use it best
That simple, little phrase
My heart would find its rest.

RIP

You had my trust and my respect.
I felt I knew you well,
but you proved me wrong that night,
and it hurt like hell.

It is painful to finally say goodbye,
but more importantly now I know
that my impressions of you were wrong
and it is time for me to let go.

Rest in peace my friend,
I am sure I will see you around
Rest in peace my friend,
I am free, my heart is no longer bound.

From Me

To you, the man of my dreams

There is so much I want to tell you
But where should I begin
First I'll say I'm sorry
For all of my past sin.

I guess I should warn you
About the life I've been given
That's made me who I am
And the reasons I am driven.

I was born into a family
That's always on the go
So traveling is a part of me
To see places I would never know.

God has called me to the mission field
And to Him I must be true
I pray that you feel this calling
Or will at least help to see me through.

My family is very important
A mother I want to be
Of our own or by adoption
Such a blessing for you and me.

I see us growing old together
One day at a time
Relying on each other daily
Making your hopes and dreams mine.

I have made some mistakes
I never want to speak of
But I pray we focus on the future
And together live for the One Above.

From me

Memory Lane

I want to take you on a journey, down my memory lane
Through this great house full of love, joy and pain

Here's the living room, where we would have the Christmas tree
Family and friends gathered in love and to sit on Santa's knee

I use to sit at this bar to eat my daily meals
Green and blue milk, bologna pizza, and pin wheels

Poppy would sit in this recliner, take off his boots, and take his nap
While asleep, we did our best to steal his socks, but he'd wake with a snap

Out here we had the trampoline, play house and tire swings
I remember one time, I got 8 yellow jacket stings

Driving the tractors to pass the time, running into the house
Watching Pepper run after the ball, turtle or mouse

Upstairs we played most our games, snuck out on the roof
Locked in rooms and toy chests, how it happened there's no proof

So much joy filled that house when our family was together
But the memories of those we've lost, will continue in all weather

I Need To Know

I need to know how you really feel
Is there any reason for me to wait
Right now my eyes are set on you
My heart tells me you are my perfect mate

So tell me please is there any hope
Could you and I have a future together?
Can you open my ears to the truth
Will our relationship last through all weather?

An honest answer is all I want
To tell me if I should move on
It would not be an easy task
But please don't take too long

My heart could be fully yours today
Just let me know if you don't feel the same
One request I ask of you
When you tell me, please be tame

It will take time for my heart to let go
Because I want so much for this to work
Please just be honest with me
I'm already prepared for the hurt

My Life Behind Bars

At times there is no where I can go
I'm locked up with guards running my life
My hands are tied about what to do
Chained to my feet so I can't flee

I keep trying to get out of this place
But the guns around me keep me trapped
Being myself is out of the question
This orange jump suit reminds me of the life I live

For what I've done there is only regret
My bail is too much to be paid
I can only hope for the ultimate forgiveness
"Oh Judge, please have mercy on my soul."

A Little Bit Crazy

I am a little bit crazy
It's how I'm made
Head to toe a part of me
And this I won't trade

I enjoy this life I'm living
Even the crazy things I've done
I might be fighting a loosing battle
But in my mind I've already won

Without crazy I'd be bored
Never daring to step out
On a limb of the unknown
And find out what life is about

Forever Family

My constant support
My my biggest fan
My best friend
My right hand man

Your trusting spirit
Your consistent prayers
Your loving smiles
Your unending cares

I can't thank you enough
I love you sincerely
I won't forget
I care for you dearly

Forever together
Forever free
Forever loving
Forever family

My funnest crew
My instigators
My travel partners
My trouble makers

Your loud laughs
Your funny jokes
Your crazy stories
Your slow pokes

I laugh still
I can't wait
I dream of then
I know our fate

Forever together
Forever free
Forever loving
Forever family

We smile
We stay
We sit
We pray
We laugh
We cry
We love
We try
Yesterday
Today
Tomorrow
Forever

Forever Together
Forever Free
Forever Loving
Forever Family

Tired

I'm tired of
...being used, tossed aside like an old rag
...trying to be there for you, knowing I'll get hurt
...the interruptions when I'm trying to talk with you
...the forgotten phone calls
...you bailing on commitments that we've planned

I hate
...your selfish attitude, that seems to get through
...not knowing if you'd be there for me
...hearing "You should have been there" but you never called
...the sudden change in plans with out consideration
...that I don't know how you will handle the things I've got to say

I feel
...our relationship has become one-sided
...we are growing apart
...things are very different than before
...I'm losing another friend
...that there's nothing else I can do

I loved it when we
...could talk about everything
...laughed at the stupid things we've done
...called each other, no matter what time
...hung out all night
...were there for each other 24/7

I want my old friend back
...the one that I could talk to
...the one who would talk to me
...the one who would call as promised
...the one who would remember our plans
...the one I love as a sister

It's Time

It's time for you to grow up
Make some decisions for yourself
We won't always be there
To help your every step

It's time for you to act your age
Keep the commitments that you've made
Take on some responsibilities
And prove you can do it on your own

It's time for you to step up
Show what you are really made of
Put the childishness behind
Stand up and show your pride

It's time for you to give up
Those childish games you play
Make some hard choices
And stick to your guns

It's time for you to move on
Prove to yourself you can
Break some ties holding you down
And get ready for the future

It's time for you to realize
Procrastination will only go so far
Indecisiveness in annoying
And asking questions multiple times isn't cute

It's time for you to prove
To yourself it is possible
Problem solve by yourself
And stop running straight for help

It's time for you to start
Before you live on your own
Without someone to show you again
And give you advice you don't take

It's time for you to listen
To those trying to help
Learn from them before their gone
And you're left to discover on your own

Hurt Again

It's always been said that "Actions speak louder than words"
Every commitment broken
Every conversation you've forgotten
Has hurt me more than you know

I've tried to push all this junk behind me
Every time I've been hurt
Every time I've felt used
But recently I feel you don't care

We have talked about this in the past
But I can't tell if any of it really soaked in

It wouldn't be that big of a deal
Every repeated sting
Every hurtful let down
But you haven't only hurt me

How many times will I go through this
Every tearful night
Every uncomfortable phone call
Not wanting to talk because I am hurt so much

Sure we could talk again and again
But I really don't see you changing

Words I Live By

Stuck in the waiting room with anticipation
Hoping for that answer we all want to hear
Although knowing it may not come
We perk up when the doctor comes near

"I have some news for you today
Lets all have a seat and talk
And at any point just let me know
If you need a break or walk"

The doctor began "There is something wrong
His lungs are very cloudy
And we are not sure how much longer
You will have with you Poppy and Daddy.

"At this point there is nothing to do
But give him love and talk in his ear
He is unable to respond
But he'll know you're there"

I could not just sit there anymore
So we made a fast food run at eleven
With 12 different orders and tears in our eyes
knowing tonight he might go to Heaven

We returned with our arms full
And nearly dropped the food when we heard
"Hurry, go up stairs , he's awake,
And for each of you he has a word"

The elevator took forever
We pushed through the crowd
To talk to the man with a huge smile
Sitting in that bed so proud

The words he spoke to me
Will forever ring in my life
With a sweet smile and a gentle touch
His words cut deep like a knife

"God has a great plan for your life
He will use you in so many ways
Just remember how much He and I love you
And follow Him all of your days"

The next day he taught us Rummy
And joked with us like before
Leaving his room was so difficult
Knowing he may never walk through that door.

A month later, the Lord took him home
It was a time of tears, stories, and showing love
But I know that right now he's praising God
And watching me from Heaven above

How Do I Feel?

What are the correct words to use to
describe the way I feel about you?
. . . . . . . . . .
Do I LOVE you? I’m not sure.
I LOVE my family and closest friends
I know they will always LOVE me,
Be there to support and encourage me
I don’t know if we are there yet, but
I could see this in our future.
LOVE is just not the word right now.
. . . . . . . . . .
Do I LIKE you? I’m sure I do.
I also LIKE people when we first meet
I LIKE characters off of TV shows
I may know them now, it may not last
I think we are past this stage
There are many things I LIKE about you,
But I don’t feel LIKE is the right word
. . . . . . . . . .
When I think about our relationship,
I think of our long conversations about life
our times working together
I think of the music we’ve listened to
the jokes we’ve told
the moments we’ve shared.
. . . . . . . . . .
So I CARE about you! That’s the best way to put it.
I sometimes worry when I haven’t seen you
I get excited just to be around you
I pray for you when you share your heart.
I don’t know where we will be in the future
But always know there is someone who CARES about you.

My Name

Born three months after his death
While the family still felt sorrow
But the moment she took her first breath
Her life gave new meaning to tomorrow

Named after him, Bert Carl’s legacy continues
As Carlyn learns to love as he once did
She strives to become a person who’s
Light shines and compassion is never hid

Meaning womanly warrior
She sounds prepared to fight
But if you saw inside her
You’d see she has but one sight

To reach out to those nearest
In hopes to comfort and teach
That Christ’s love is the dearest
No matter how far you reach

Change her name?
She would not dare
For her life would not be the same
If this name she did not bare

Her great grandfather was the type of man
Who could change a bad day with his smile
She only hopes that one day she can
Walk in his shoes for a while

Writing Stress...

Thoughts are racing as I sit at my desk with 30 minutes to fill up 5 paragraphs with the correct information. My mind wonders off to how easy this would be at home, in my room and at my own pace, writing about something I feel is important.

25 minutes left and my page is still blank.

I look at the outline the teacher had me prepare the night before, but the words on the page have no meaning to me anymore. 20 minutes left, I have an opening written, but how to do spell that word, is she going to take off for misspelling? I finally write the body of my paper, but I have no idea if these 3 paragraphs flow, make sense or if the transitions are good ones. With 5 minutes left, I scribble down a conclusion that mentions the points from the previous paragraphs and restates my thesis.

Is that all I’m suppose to do?

Can I have a few more minutes to revise?